Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
