you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
