I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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