someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
