if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
