I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize