All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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