dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
