Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
