she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
