Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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