I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
