??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
All the doctor said was why
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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