I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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