he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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