What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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