Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
