Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Less talking, more tequila
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
