we have officially lost it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm like, not good at living.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
