how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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