She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We are two peas in an std pod
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
