Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
