Farmville is her only friend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
