i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drake has all the answers
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
