dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
