I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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