The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
