On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
