I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
