Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
