The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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