What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
