sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize