you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
