I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
