I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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