why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
