I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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