We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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