she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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