Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
