it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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