I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
