I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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