my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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