Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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