I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
