Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
