Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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