It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
40s are totally the cure
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
