It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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