I checked into jail on foursquare
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
