JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
