I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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