That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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