ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
