Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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