I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
