So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
operation harelip BJ is a go
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
