Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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