Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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