Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
