Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
