I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
