Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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