omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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