for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize