either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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