K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
